This unfinished screen play/one act play has a preface attached to it:

After I graduated college in May 2006, I lived in West Seneca, NY with my good buddy Justin. We lived together during the seven poorest months of our lives. We were both flat broke. One late October evening while we were enacting our weeknight ritual of watching Cash Cab on the Discovery Channel, an advertisement snagged our attention; Discovery was holding a contest for the best original amateur video that spoofs one of their programs. The prize was $500 and the winning video would be aired on the show that it spoofs. It had to be between 4 1/2 to 5 minutes in length. At the time, we watched Cash Cab, Dirty Jobs, and Going Tribal. After tossing around ridiculous ideas for spoofing Cash Cab for some time (Such as a scene where an old woman gets 3 X’s, thus losing the game, and Ben Bailey kicks her out of the cab in a terrible neighborhood) we dropped the idea. Nothing great came out of our brain storm for a Dirty Jobs spoof either. But then a few six packs of 16 oz. Miller High Life Light paved the way for the expansion of our minds, which helped to spurn the creative process in the right direction! We decided to spoof Going Tribal. Basically the show is about Englishman Bruce Parry who lives with native tribes throughout the world. These tribes have their own religion, unique language, customs, clothing, nothing even close to electronic technology, and live very simply off of the land. Their weapons usually aren’t more than spears, shields, knives, bows, etc. This Bruce lives with these tribes for a month or so and eats their food, hunts with them, sleeps with them, and adopts their customs (such as tripping on a plant for over a day without food or drink, or when he had to put a stick up his penis and wrap it with another stick in order to prevent infection). He is accompanied by what seems to be a small tech crew; a boom operator, camera guy(s), and perhaps three or four more people. We had watched a few episodes recently and decided to start writing the spoof and see where it led us.

This is what we came up with:

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Going Tribal
by Justin Turnblom and Andy Liegl

Day 1

(Extreme close up on Pruce’s face.)

Pruce:

Hello my name is Pruce Berry and each week you the audience watch me as I go “tribal” adopting the customs and social norms of indigenous peoples from all over the world. From the Kanboi Tribe in Indonesia who tested my devotion with cannibalism, to an African vision quest with the Babongo tribe of Ethiopia. I have seen it all and you have been there with me, but now you get to join me on my most daring adventure. For the next few days I will be submerged into a culture that is completely foreign to me; I will engage in various social and religious ceremonies in a brave new world forgotten by society.

(The camera pans back to reveal a very nice house in the suburbs with Pruce standing in the driveway.)

Pruce:

I will be joining the Johnson Tribe of Western New York State, a barren wasteland devoid of any color or joy. I will not need a translator today as the tribe speaks mostly modern English, a rarity among tribes but it is a testament to the people’s intelligence. Let’s go meet the tribal elders.

(The camera follows Pruce up the driveway to the front door where he stands looking into the windows of the house for a moment before the door opens.)

Jim:

Um hello?

Pruce:

(Holding out his hand.)

Mr. Johnson?

Jim:

Ahh. You must be that Spruce Berry fellow. Yes come on in.

Pruce:

Uh, yeah, it’s actually Pruce, not Spruce, Spruce is a tree.

Jim:

Whatever. Lisa, Jake, Jill honey, that gentleman from The Discovery Zone is here.

(As Pruce enters the house Jake, holding the family cat, Lisa and Jill come to the door to greet him.)

Jill:

Hello Mr. Berry, welcome to our family. We are going to do everything we can to make you feel right at home. I’m going to have to ask you though to take off your shoes and embrace The Lord. My name is Jill.

Pruce:

What was the second part?

Lisa:

Embrace our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Oh and just so you know we have Holy Water right here by the door for every time you leave or enter the house. Every time. It was blessed by our family Priest.

Jake:

Hi. Mr. Berry, I’m really a huge fan of your show. But don’t you ever worry that someone will rob the Cash Cab?

Pruce:

Um your thinking of a completely different show.

Jake:

Ah your right, it is a dirty job. Come in though make yourself comfortable.

(Pruce follows the camera into the living room, the t.v. is on and the family is getting ready for dinner as Jim dramatically pulls Pruce aside.)

Jim:

So I talked with the network and they assured me that this is somehow a tax right-off. Correct? Because, well, you can read between the lines here.

Pruce:

Yeah anytime you let a t.v. camera into your house it’s a tax right-off, it’s in the Patriot Act.

Jim:

Alrighty. Well. We’re about to have dinner so um go use the bathroom. Wash up. I’ll have Jake put your stuff in your room.

(Cut to Pruce drying his hands and leaving the bathroom, he addresses the camera.)

Pruce:

So I have been here for about an hour now and I have noticed that the Johnson Tribe have an Idol on the wall in every room. It depicts a man lying with his legs crossed on a large ‘T’. I have yet to uncover the purpose of the Idol, perhaps it is to ward off evil spirits or disease. I am about to break bread with the tribe, and that we will in fact be talking about our respective days. I have no idea what to expect.

(Pruce enters the dining room and sits down at the table. There are six places set at the table. Jake is sitting with the cat.)

Jim:

Well.I would like to invite you into our home. After Jake says Grace, we can begin to eat our food. I hope you like the fish.

Jake:

I said Grace last night. Make Lisa say Grace.

Lisa:

I’m not saying Grace I did it two nights ago. It’s Mom’s turn to say Grace.

Jill:

I said Grace every single time when your father was away on business last week. It’s his turn.

Jim:

Well. Since you’re the guest here Percy, how about you say Grace.

(They all hold hands.)

Pruce:

Again, my name is Pruce.

(Pruce inhales to begin talking.)

Jake:

But what does that matter. Dear Lord, it is Lord right? Is that o.k. with you Dad. I do not think anybody could be a better Lord than you. Well maybe Jack Lord from Hawaii Five-O. You are a great Lord though. Really good. You’re good. Well. I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are Lord already. Amen.

Jill:

That was great, really moving. And I just love Hawaii Five-O.

(Everyone releases hands awkwardly.)

So tell me Mr. Berry what do you hope to learn here over the next few days?

Pruce:

I’m going to want to become part of your everyday lives, adopt your customs. For example tomorrow I will follow each of you around for part of the day as I will go with you to your religious ceremonies, gathering food, and any social activities. I will start tomorrow with Lisa and Jake, and then I will follow around Mrs. Johnson and then you Mr. Johnson.

Jim:

Well. Lisa is a student at the local Catholic college. She’s studying our religion. She hopes to one day become a religious sister working in the world to improve it.

Jill:

And Jake, well, he’s Jake, and he will, um, show you around town.

Pruce:

So I couldn’t help but notice that there are only five of us yet you have set the table for six. Are we expecting someone.

Jill:

We set an extra place setting every night for Jesus in case he stops by to dine with us.

Pruce:

Is that terribly likely?

Lisa:

It’s more of a ritual, a way to show our respect.

Pruce:

Who eats the food on the plate?

Jim:

We throw it out, Prancy. If it’s not good enough for God, it’s not good enough for the homeless we could give it to.

Lisa:

It’s an old tradition in our family; our Grandmother says that Jesus ate with her once.

Jake:

Although I think it’s a ridiculous myth . . .

Jim:

Buster! Watch yourself. Your Grandmother was a Saint.

Jake:

She thought she was a Saint. She was racked with mental disorders!

(Pruce looks at the camera and motions to stop filming. Cut to several hours later as everyone is getting ready for bed.)

Pruce:

I’m bunking down for the evening, I really got an excellent insight into their immediate family. I’m excited however to see how they function in society. After dinner I was a little skeptical that they had truly welcomed me, but I think tomorrow is a new day, and with it new surprises.

(Jill enters the room.)

Jill:

Is there anything you need Honey.

Pruce:

Thank you very much but I am fine for the evening, and thank you again for the meal. And now I shall see you in the morning.

Jill:

Are you sure.

Pruce:

Yes, absolutely, I don’t plan on leaving the Tribe early, the loss of funds would cut into my spending money for ‘Karaoke Night’.

Jill:

No, I meant are you sure you don’t need anything. Are you sure there is nothing I can get for you . . . personally?

(Jill exposes a shoulder.)

Pruce:

Ah, well, lets see. . . Ah . . . I have my pillow, sheets, comforter, p.js., and ‘suggestive’ gnome doll!

(holds up a nearby gnome stuffed doll.)

Er . . . gnome doll.

Jill:

I brought you some warm milk.

Pruce:

No that’s not really….

(caressing his arm, and rubbing his head)

Jill:

Welcome to our home.

Day 2

(Cut to the next morning. Jim is brewing coffee as Pruce enters in a robe. Jim looks at Pruce skeptically.)

Jim:

Coffee?

Pruce:

Please.

Jim:

Spoon?

Pruce:

No, thank you.

Jim:

Sugar?

Pruce:

No, thank you.

Jim:

Milk?

Pruce:

No, thank you.

(Beat.)

Jim:

Cream?

Pruce:

No. Thank you.

(Jim gives Pruce his coffee. Awkward moment. Jake enters with the cat.)

Jake:

Dad. I need five dollars. For lunch.

Jim:

Five dollars. For lunch. I usually only donate four fifty to you.

Jake:

(Petting cat anxiously.)
   

And that’s all we wrote that eventful evening! I have thought out an ending in outline form, but haven’t written it yet. As soon as I do it will be posted here as Going Tribal B. Something funky happened with the formatting during the Pruce and Jill scene. Oh well. I do own a handy-cam, but we never got around to filming it. Someday we will though.
Someday.
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