WASHINGTON, D.C.– Former Hitler Youth member, Pope Benedict XVI, visited the United States of America for the first time on Tuesday. When his plane landed, the Pope was greeted by a multitude of Christian faithful, including a small group of Catholic school children. Since Tuesday was the Pope’s 81st birthday, the moment he exited the plane, the children began to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ in five part angelic harmony.

“It was loud,” the Pope said of the landing ceremony.

When the Pope wasn’t attending to business, such as meeting with the families of children who were victim to ‘Priest Parties’, most of his time for the rest of the day was spent in the company of President Bush.

“He’s a nice guy,” the President said. “I don’t speak German though, so I didn’t really know what he was saying half the time. [Laughs] Yeah, it was fun.”

Before the Pope’s arrival, the President commented that he wanted to show America to the Pope through the “eyes of every citizen that walks the walk in this Great Land of the Freed,” and according to the President, he did just that.

First, the pair went to the dining establishment ‘Applebees,’ which Bush called “A true slice of Americana.” The two ordered cocktails and their meal, while engaging in what can only be classified as awkward conversation. The dialogue of the evening consisted of short, one sentence comments by Benedict followed by odd, out of place laughing and random exclamations such as “Amen!” and “He’s a home run king!” by the President.

Following dinner, President Bush took the Pope to his favorite karaoke bar, “The Prancing Pony,” where he treated the head of the Christian faith to a rendition of ‘Love Shack’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ Things got tense between the two when a 20 something year old couple sang a duet of ‘Summer Nights’ in which the President began to loudly sing along to.

Pope Benedict was not amused.

“I did expect a former Nazi to have a little more, you know, pizazz in his personality. He was a little boring at the bar. I mean how can you not sing along to some classic Danny Zuko!?” an exasperated Bush commented on the situation.

Later in the evening, the President tried to explain a NASCAR race being aired on television to an uninterested Pope Benedict. Another ‘Pony’ patron then began an argument with the President over who’s race car sponsor is better: Kyle Busch’s ‘Kellog’s’ or Kasey Kahne’s ‘McDonalds’. The debate never got resolved, however, as President Bush began to use vulgar language and was dismissed from the facility by the barkeep.

Secret Service intervened and took The Pope and the President back to the White House.

Upon arrival, the Pope stated that he wished to leave Washington early and head to New York in order to prepare for his live mass at Yankee Stadium which will be held on the weekend.

This decision by Benedict cut short nearly a weeks worth of events the President had planned for the two.

“I can completely understand,” Bush said later of the Pope’s early departure. “He’s from a different culture, not like ours. I see that a lot in my travels. [Laughs] I could tell he had a blast, though.”

Unfortunately for the President, he could not have been more wrong.

“It was a terrible day,” remarked Pope Benedict XVI. “Perhaps if I had not been accompanied by a complete buffoon I could have enjoyed myself. I do not believe President Bush understood one word I said. He would laugh at strange times and say things that did not make sense. A terrible day.” [Translated from German]

When told of the Pope’s remarks, the President smiled and only said, “Ichbin mit dem Prinzen einverstanden.” Which translates to, “I agree with the Prince.”

No one still knows what the President meant by this.

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