With today being my 28th birthday, a reminder that I’m in the twilight days of my 20s, my mind wandered to things I always wanted as a kid. The one thing that sticks out above the rest is a living, breathing, and mobile in its own way, Tyrannosaurus Rex!

I always dreamed about owning a T-Rex. We’d keep him in the garage. What’s the problem, nobody would know. Every little boy at one time probably wanted a dino, or wild animal of some sort to be their loyal pet. Or if they’re being honest — their living murder machine! No little boy wanted a dino so they could walk it through the park, or eat lollipops with. Hell no! We wanted that scaly bastard to ride through town, striking fear in our enemies! To wait for those dick-heads in a dark alley, or go to their homes and have our giant T-Rex obliterate them and everything they hold dear. Except their pets. We’d steal them and indoctrinate them as our own. The T-Rex wouldn’t mind as our animal cadre grew larger and larger. They would love us! Then we’d take over the world! Yeah, that would have been awesome.

It would still be awesome now, but if I did that — had my pet T-Rex consume everyone who makes me feel bad, I’d lose all my friends. People would hate me. Any semblance of a career I’m fooling myself currently exists would truly no longer be there for me. My parents would probably back my play. My kid would be horrified or think it’s really cool. I’d try to rope her in by taking rides with me on the T-Rex. Maybe go swimming. My fiance, too, as long as there’s enough room and the T-Rex didn’t mind.

Eventually, the police and military would get called in to deal with the situation. I hear the choppers here in Los Angeles on a daily basis, and they don’t seem to mess around. Los Angeles has experience dealing with giant beasties with the cinema and all. It’d probably be difficult to hide a T-Rex, too, so eventually they’d find us. We’d do as much collateral damage as possible on the ground, but without a ranged attack, we’d be easy pickings for the choppers. Me and my dino buddy would get gunned down in a shower of gore.

I doubt there’d be much left of me when the battle was over. The government may even try to preserve the T-Rex to study it and such. This makes sense. Then they’d clone it and turn it into a weapon to destroy the enemy. Who that is beats the hell out of me. Hopefully it’s foreign, or flat-out non-existent, but when one man or one small group of mankind get possession of a horrific weapon, they’d likely use it for their own means.

I guess the moral of this story is to live your life by trying to understand others in the face of misunderstanding. Man, that’s difficult to do, but also something I want to cultivate within myself this next year. Since I can’t wish-up a T-Rex, maybe I can acquire some wisdom to pass on to my kiddo. Probably not, but I need to start searching now.

Later, when I’ve written up my “wisdom list,” I can arrange a session to throw pies in the faces of people I don’t know!