The Glittery Alpacas and Smack dat Ass can’t catch a break, both clubs falling to 1-2 in week 3 of the fantasy football season.

The Glittery Alpacas

This loss hurt. This is the most painful loss to date because the Alpacas should have had this one, but only two players lived up to expectations and the killer 32 point performance by the Arizona Cardinals Defense, smacking the Philadelphia Eagles, was negated. Here’s the thing about that — Eagles QB Michael Vick needs to practice more and get his head in the game. I saw a tweet of his once where he was commenting about Madden which has since been taken down. It was during the Atlanta Falcons/Denver Broncos Monday Night Football game, so I replied, “@MikeVick Dude — get off twitter to talk about your #Madden experiences and study some film. #Eagles.” Hey look — I don’t hate Michael Vick. I really don’t. He fucked up bad and paid his time in federal prison. Still, on a football level, screw Michael Vick. Due to his actions he grounded the Falcons franchise for a season where they were one of the worst in the league… but it’s tough to be too mad about that because Matt Ryan came from it. It is strange how Vick came back to the NFL the way he did, playing for the Eagles. Too bad the guy is made of glass.

Anyway, enough about Michael Vick. Oh! Except to note he netted only 5 points this week for my opponent, the Scranton Beet Farmers. Unfortunately, it mattered not. Here are the week 3 results:

Lets avoid discussing the disappointment of this week for a moment and focus on something positive — the Alpaca’s managed to find a crazy waiver wire option in Houston Texans QB Matt Schaub, dropping St. Louis WR Brandon Gibson. He’s one of the best QB’s in the league and he’s all Glittery as my backup. I’ll definitely need him for week 7 when Ryan has a bye, but also if he goes down, which I really hope doesn’t happen. The Falcons are looking hot at 3-0 and he’s the reason why. The Falcons’ defense is a major reason, too. The Beet Farmers rib-kicked me with them for 24 solid points. I hate that about fantasy, when your team hurts your… team. You understand. Speaking of defense, the Cardinals were a waiver wire re-pick up this week for the Alpacas, which was key.

My WR’s sucked, a total bummer, but they all still have upside. Randall Cobb, Roddy White, Anquan Boldin and Donnie Avery all had lame games which won’t happen week in week out. Of course Titus Young has his best game of the season when I bench him.

I had to dump TE Jacob Tamme for a more productive option. I would have grabbed Pittsburgh Steelers TE Heath Miller but he has a bye in week 4 so I picked up the Minnesota Vikings TE Kyle Rudolph who has been productive. The big question mark is how long will it last, but the upside is worth the risk.

The teams my players are facing this week indicate potential for big points from them all. I’m being bold and shuffling around my WR lineup, benching Avery & Cobb in place of Young and Randy Moss. I have to play who’s hot and I like Moss’ matchup against the New York Jets. I feel like any one of these guys can have a productive week. Again — I’m looking for consistency in somebody. Unfortunately, benching Boldin for the second week in a row will likely bite me in the butt — he put up 15 points Thursday night against the Cleveland Browns and is riding the bench. Jeez.

This week is a must-win for the Glittery Alpacas, taking on the Regal Beezers. The Beezers are undefeated but behind my team in total points. Also, there’s a little unspoken rivalry going on between the two clubs.

Smack dat Ass

Smack dat Ass suffered their second loss despite putting up solid numbers and would have defeated every other team in the league except for two this week. Adding fuel to the fire, their manager was sleeping on the waiver wire, forgetting to set his options before Wednesday morning. As a result, they missed picking up the Arizona Cardinals defense and are stuck with the D of the Dallas Cowboys. Total suck. The team did swing Buffalo Bills running back Tashard Choice who’s a decent option in a pinch if Buffalo’s backfield remains unhealthy.

The biggest blow of the week was benching RB Darren McFadden when he finally gets going, and he did it against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Who saw that one coming? Carolina Panthers WR Brandon LaFell started over him, having big games in weeks 1 and 2 but being a total non-factor in week 3. Needless to say, DMC is running week 4.

On paper this team looks sick and there is no reason for them to be 1-2. It appears this week’s opponent is a dummy team, so a victory is certainly in order.

The alpaca was certainly smacked this week in both the CFFL and the Don’t Fumble League — I was dead last in points. Oof.

The Glittery Alpacas

Things looked scary this week for the Glittery Alpacas of the CFFL as they fell from 3rd to 9th. Down a despicable 14-46 going into the Monday Night Football game featuring the Atlanta Falcons vs. the Denver Broncos, the Alpaca’s had a hail mary’s chance of pulling out a win but needed serious numbers from the Falcons’ QB/WR combo, Matt Ryan and Roddy White. They produced, but it wasn’t enough and it turns out the Falcons’ kicker Matt Bryant ended up locking the win for the Alpacas’ opponent, Stafford Infection, managed by none other than the brother of Harry Douglas’d, the team the Alpacas smacked in week 1.

All that is moot now and I can’t even feel bad about leaving points on the bench because those were equally dismal. Here are the week 2 results for the Glittery Alpacas:

Look at the score — 54-60. It’s the lowest scoring match-up of the week despite featuring one of the CFFL’s greatest rivalries. The Toilet Bowl award goes to Stafford Infection. Nicely done.

What buried me this week was Ahmad Bradshaw, RB of the New York Giants getting injured early, leaving with 1 measly point. Also, my TE Jacob Tamme, kicker Dan Bailey and Cleveland Browns defense combined for a whopping 5 points. Obviously, better options are out there for a kicker when the waiver wire has six of them with 20+ points. Turns out dropping the Arizona Cardinals defense in favor of the Browns due to a match up was a bad move (Cards vs. New England Patriots, Browns vs. Cincinnatti Bengals) but I added them back off the waiver wire this week. Still, my team was in desperate need of a facelift so I turned to the waiver wire. Here was my waiver strategy for this week:

That shit’s intense.

The Alpacas badly need some WR help and acquired it off waivers, dropping RB’s Kendall Hunter and Peyton Hillis in favor of WR’s Donnie Avery of the Indianapolis Colts and Brandon Gibson of the St. Louis Rams. Both WR’s posted solid numbers in weeks 1 and 2, so hopefully one of them proves to be a consistent addition.

I spoke highly of Tamme last week when he was almost dropped from my team but pulled in a late TD to justify his spot. In watching the MNF game against the Falcons I noticed the Broncos didn’t line him up much in a receiving position and when he was on the field he was mostly blocking. He received four looks from Peyton Manning, but only brought in two of them. There are decent TE’s on the waiver wire, but it would be a lateral move to part with Tamme to add any of them so I’m sticking with him for now.

Unfortunately I thought I was set at RB, but with Bradshaw injured and Hillis and Hunter proving to be early busts, my RB pool is a lot thinner. I desperately need Ryan Mathews of the San Diego Chargers to be ready to go this week, otherwise I’m in trouble. There are some options on the waiver wire I’m still considering, but I won’t know about them until Friday morning.

Smack dat Ass

Things were equally pitiable for Smack dat Ass this week, falling 66.45-95.20 to Boom Shaka Laka. The worst part about this loss is Shaka Laka’s manager is a Miami Dolphin’s fan. Look at that hideous logo staring back at me, victorious. Burns me up inside.

The second worst part about this loss was leaving 21.70 points on the bench with RB Ben Tate — who the hell saw that coming? Both my starting backs put up horrendous numbers when compared to their week 1 scores, too. Add to it my not starting two waiver wire pick ups from last week in TE Dennis Pitta and WR Brandon LaFell who both outscored my starters and it’s easy to see I ate a box of F.U.B.A.R. Plus, the Cowboys Defense getting thumped and WR Andre Johnson not producing were the daggers to the heart in this loss.

As expected, waiver wire moves were made, adding the Washington Redskins Defense, dropping TE Coby Fleener in favor of TE Martellus Bennett of the NY Giants as insurance. Plus RB Evan Royster had to go in favor of Giants RB Andre Brown who could be a solid pickup if Ahmad Bradshaw is going to miss some time. I tried getting him in the CFFL, too (he was my first waiver wire choice), but it didn’t work out.

How did your team(s) do this week? Any suggested moves you’d like to see on either of my squads for week 3?

Week 1 of the NFL 2012 season is wrapped and with it our first batch of fantasy football scores — how’d your team(s) fare? Mine performed much better than anticipated as I defeated both my opponents within a comfortable margin. The Glittery Alpacas of the CFFL league and Smack dat Ass of the Don’t Fumble league are both 1-0 to start the season. Here are some break downs.

The Glittery Alpacas

This is my pay league with some buddies (and others I’ve never met) that’s been going on for years. It wasn’t always a pay league and it’s ironic considering I was the one who advocated the hardest for it to be a pay league, winning the Championship our last season as a free league but haven’t come close since. There is a story behind my team this season: I had two drafting snafu’s. The first I blame on NFL.com, the second my own computer. Around round 5 or so I was cuing my late round picks, one of them being Harry Douglas the #3 WR for the Atlanta Falcons. As I was about to click “Add to Draft Cue” it became my turn to draft and the button changed to “Draft Now” as I clicked it. So instead of getting the rookie QB of the Indianapolis Colts to back up Matt Ryan of the Falcons whom I intended to draft at that spot, Harry Douglas was drafted. Face palm. Then the next round my computer froze or something because no matter how hard or often I clicked “Draft Now” it wouldn’t, nor would the system allow me to alter my cue, so in Round 6 I drafted Peyton Hillis. Could have been worse, but still.

As a result of these errors my opponent this week decided to name his team after my Douglas fubar, running with the name “Harry Douglas’d” with a photo of the WR as his team logo. It’s cute and if I’m being honest, I love it as it’s in the spirit of Fantasy Football — trash talk is always welcomed by me. Also, I’m no innocent in this as he may have been getting revenge on me for poking fun at his brother a few years ago with my team name, “Owning Ross One Week at a Time” (the guy drafted kicker Rob Bironas 3rd overall or something). So here are this week’s results for the Glittery Alpacas:

As you can clearly see, sweet, sweet victory was all mine. I could have even started Harry Douglas and would have still thumped my opponent. Kind of wish I had.

Matt Ryan had a monster week for me which is good because he was my Keeper this season — I cut loose Darren McFadden (DMC) in favor of him, which made me uneasy until yesterday. I made a few “football moves” right before game time, too: swapped RB Michael Bush to start over Peyton Hillis and dumped the Jacksonville Jaguars Defense in favor of the Arizona Cardinals D. Both proved to be solid moves. I was thinking about starting WR Randy Moss over Titus Young, but went against it. Next week that will likely happen. Also looking to dump the Cards D for one with a better match up since they’re taking on the New England Patriots in week 2 and I don’t want any of that noise. I have 3 options in mind but will keep mum about them until the waiver wires clear — I don’t know who’s reading this! I’d like to trade Hillis for a backup QB but his performance last week doesn’t help my chances. I was thinking Ryan Fitzpatrick of the Buffalo Bills. I’m pretty deep at RB and once Ryan Matthews returns for the San Diego Chargers, I’ll really be set.

The position I was most satisfied with, even though he only netted me 10 points, is Jacob Tamme my TE of the Denver Broncos. The TE position is a tough one to draft — there are only a small pool of guys who will score double digits in that spot on a consistent basis and they all usually get picked up quickly. All the other TE’s are a crap shoot and lack consistency, only scoring 5 points or so a week. This year the TE pool went fast as usual, but I drafted Tamme (late I might add) due to his rapport with Peyton Manning when they were both Colts and it paid off. I hope my kicker Dan Bailey doesn’t feel comfortable on my team — another piss poor performance like that and he’s out. There are too many higher scoring kickers this season and their point totals are used as tie-breakers in our league (don’t ask, I don’t like it either — should be bench points in my opinion).

Smack dat Ass

As for my second league, the Don’t Fumble league, it’s led by one of my best buds and filled with nobody I know personally. It’s my “fun” league as there is no financial investment and I’m not checking the waiver wire multiple times a day. Still, I absolutely crushed my opponent this week and led the league in scoring.

It’s also worth noting this team was auto-drafted. There was a live draft but I missed it and didn’t bother pre-ranking my players. I usually play a team like this once a season just to test my skill against what I think I want. I have to say, based on my line up, the auto-draft did a damn good job! The only player I added after the fact was Houston Texans backup RB Ben Tate (off the waiver wire!) and the Cincinnati Bengals defense which turned out to be a flop. My usual strategy with defenses is to draft them last and play match ups weekly, unless I stumble across a sleeper D who is consistently awesome, then I will hold onto them. Thought the Bengals would play the Baltimore Ravens harder based on what they did last season. Oh well. But Ben Tate off the waiver wire! Here are this week’s stats for Smack dat Ass:

Obviously some bench moves are going to be made this week, but damn, I can’t argue with the results from my starters. DMC won’t have a “bad” week like this again any time soon either. Also, 16 points from a kicker sucks so bad when you’re on the receiving end, which we both were this week.

How did your team(s) do this week? Any suggested moves you’d like to see on either of my squads for week 2?