Fantasy Football 2013: The CFFL week 2

So a whole lot of this is going down right now:

These are the rankings in the CFFL, my fantasy football pay league — my team is Nope. I definitely wasn’t expecting this kind of start. We’ll see how long it lasts, but I’m of the philosophy to live in the now — and right now my team is fuckin’ awesome!

Here are my team’s stats through the first two weeks in the CFFL:

Oh, and I have Michael Turner on my bench because I strongly believe by week 6 he’ll be starting for someone. Depending on how Jacquizz Rodgers and Jason Snelling work out, it may even be my Atlanta Falcons.

I also play in two other leagues, but I’m 0-2 and 1-1. If I win in both this week, you may read about it here.

 

“Iron Man 3” Extended Super Bowl Trailer

I didn’t like #1 and fell asleep during #2 (How many times did Mickey Rourke sharpen something while talking to himself?), but “Iron Man 3” shows promise — The Mandarin is like a wicked Splinter with Harry Potter powers. Check out the Super Bowl XLVII extended trailer and an image gallery by clicking below!

“The Mandarin, Tony Stark Heroics Highlight ‘Iron Man 3’ Super Bowl Spots” — Click to read full article

“A 30-second trailer for ‘Iron Man 3’ ran during Super Bowl XLVII with Tony Stark, played by Robert Downey Jr., turning on the heroics, saving people in a free fall after their plane explodes in midair. Shortly thereafter on the Iron Man Facebook page a 1:30 trailer debuted with extended footage, highlighted by a shot of Don Cheadle as James Rhodes sporting a new set of armor.”

 

“Oz: The Great and Powerful” Super Bowl Spot

The trailer worked — I want to see this movie. Click the link to see the Super Bowl LXVII spot and a gallery of screen shots!

“Emerald City Shines in “Oz: The Great and Powerful” Super Bowl Spot — Click to read full article

“A new trailer for ‘Oz: The Great and Powerful’ aired during Super Bowl XLVII, showcasing a volley of colorful action sequences and new shots of James Franco’s character, Oscar Diggs, in the fantastical world. Moments expanded upon from the full-length trailer include peculiar creatures surprising Diggs, enormous fireballs, vicious flying monkeys and an all-new clip of magical airborne transport bubbles.”

 

“Star Trek: Into Darkness” & “The Lone Ranger” Super Bowl Movie Trailers

For CBR, I cut screen shots of two movie trailers aired during Super Bowl XLVII featuring the Baltimore Ravens vs. San Francisco 49ers —  “Star Trek Into Darkness” & “The Lone Ranger.” Click the links to read the full articles complete with trailers and photo galleries! Personally, I think both films look solid, especially ‘Trek — the 2009 movie made me a fan of the franchise, and this sequel looks like it’s going to blow that away.

“‘The Lone Ranger’ Rides for Justice in New Super Bowl Spot” — Click to read entire article

“Part origin story, part high-stakes action scene and all Jerry Bruckheimer, Walt Disney Studios’ Super Bowl spot for this summer’s ‘The Lone Ranger’ offers a look at how the title character and his sidekick teamed up.

‘There were rumors that sustained us. Stories of a man born in the desert. A ghost, some said. Some said flesh and blood. A masked man — a Lone Ranger,’ the voice-over says, over images of a blood-splattered Texas Rangers badge and a tortured Armie Hammer left for dead … that is, until Johnny Depp’s Tonto shows up.”

“‘Our World Will Fall:’ ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ Super Bowl Spot” — Click to read entire article

“While the previous ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ trailer was fairly somber, today’s 30-second Super Bowl spot that Paramount Pictures debuted cranks up the destruction, mayhem and drama, proclaiming ‘Our World Will Fall.’ We witness some brief verbal jousting between Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) and John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch), interspersed with an Enterprise crashing into (I believe) London. Meanwhile, Spock (Zachary Quinto) and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) share a tender moment, lava explodes and Harrison asks, ‘Shall we begin?'”

 

#RiseUp — Thank you AtlantaFalcons.com!

A few weeks ago I signed onto twitter (@yourfriendandy) and saw a post by @Atlanta_Falcons — whoever could tweet @ them the name of the team the Falcons had their first franchise victory against would win a “Rise Up” t-shirt. I was something like the 7th person to reply, but only the second with the correct answer (the New York Giants). So I didn’t win. But after seeing a photo I tweeted, showing my support of the Falcons here in Los Angeles, the intern rocking the @Atlanta_Falcons account hit me up with a direct message asking for my mailing address to send me my own #RiseUp t-shirt! They delivered:

Aww yeah! Thanks @Atlanta_Falcons! This was super cool of you, and so was the handwritten note. Whomever personalized it to me has the most beautiful handwriting I’ve ever seen.

@Atlanta_Falcons even followed me on twitter for a hot minute, but unfollowed me the next day. I’m cool with it — I had baller status for a moment in time with one of my favorite NFL teams (tied with the Buffalo Bills, of course).

#RiseUp mofos — and GO FALCONS!

 

Smack That Alpaca: Fantasy Football 2012 Week 3 Recap

The Glittery Alpacas and Smack dat Ass can’t catch a break, both clubs falling to 1-2 in week 3 of the fantasy football season.

The Glittery Alpacas

This loss hurt. This is the most painful loss to date because the Alpacas should have had this one, but only two players lived up to expectations and the killer 32 point performance by the Arizona Cardinals Defense, smacking the Philadelphia Eagles, was negated. Here’s the thing about that — Eagles QB Michael Vick needs to practice more and get his head in the game. I saw a tweet of his once where he was commenting about Madden which has since been taken down. It was during the Atlanta Falcons/Denver Broncos Monday Night Football game, so I replied, “@MikeVick Dude — get off twitter to talk about your #Madden experiences and study some film. #Eagles.” Hey look — I don’t hate Michael Vick. I really don’t. He fucked up bad and paid his time in federal prison. Still, on a football level, screw Michael Vick. Due to his actions he grounded the Falcons franchise for a season where they were one of the worst in the league… but it’s tough to be too mad about that because Matt Ryan came from it. It is strange how Vick came back to the NFL the way he did, playing for the Eagles. Too bad the guy is made of glass.

Anyway, enough about Michael Vick. Oh! Except to note he netted only 5 points this week for my opponent, the Scranton Beet Farmers. Unfortunately, it mattered not. Here are the week 3 results:

Lets avoid discussing the disappointment of this week for a moment and focus on something positive — the Alpaca’s managed to find a crazy waiver wire option in Houston Texans QB Matt Schaub, dropping St. Louis WR Brandon Gibson. He’s one of the best QB’s in the league and he’s all Glittery as my backup. I’ll definitely need him for week 7 when Ryan has a bye, but also if he goes down, which I really hope doesn’t happen. The Falcons are looking hot at 3-0 and he’s the reason why. The Falcons’ defense is a major reason, too. The Beet Farmers rib-kicked me with them for 24 solid points. I hate that about fantasy, when your team hurts your… team. You understand. Speaking of defense, the Cardinals were a waiver wire re-pick up this week for the Alpacas, which was key.

My WR’s sucked, a total bummer, but they all still have upside. Randall Cobb, Roddy White, Anquan Boldin and Donnie Avery all had lame games which won’t happen week in week out. Of course Titus Young has his best game of the season when I bench him.

I had to dump TE Jacob Tamme for a more productive option. I would have grabbed Pittsburgh Steelers TE Heath Miller but he has a bye in week 4 so I picked up the Minnesota Vikings TE Kyle Rudolph who has been productive. The big question mark is how long will it last, but the upside is worth the risk.

The teams my players are facing this week indicate potential for big points from them all. I’m being bold and shuffling around my WR lineup, benching Avery & Cobb in place of Young and Randy Moss. I have to play who’s hot and I like Moss’ matchup against the New York Jets. I feel like any one of these guys can have a productive week. Again — I’m looking for consistency in somebody. Unfortunately, benching Boldin for the second week in a row will likely bite me in the butt — he put up 15 points Thursday night against the Cleveland Browns and is riding the bench. Jeez.

This week is a must-win for the Glittery Alpacas, taking on the Regal Beezers. The Beezers are undefeated but behind my team in total points. Also, there’s a little unspoken rivalry going on between the two clubs.

Smack dat Ass

Smack dat Ass suffered their second loss despite putting up solid numbers and would have defeated every other team in the league except for two this week. Adding fuel to the fire, their manager was sleeping on the waiver wire, forgetting to set his options before Wednesday morning. As a result, they missed picking up the Arizona Cardinals defense and are stuck with the D of the Dallas Cowboys. Total suck. The team did swing Buffalo Bills running back Tashard Choice who’s a decent option in a pinch if Buffalo’s backfield remains unhealthy.

The biggest blow of the week was benching RB Darren McFadden when he finally gets going, and he did it against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Who saw that one coming? Carolina Panthers WR Brandon LaFell started over him, having big games in weeks 1 and 2 but being a total non-factor in week 3. Needless to say, DMC is running week 4.

On paper this team looks sick and there is no reason for them to be 1-2. It appears this week’s opponent is a dummy team, so a victory is certainly in order.

 

Pete Carroll Wins

At the conclusion of tonight’s Monday Night Football game featuring the Green Bay Packers vs. the Seattle Seahawks, Seattle head coach Peter Carroll referenced a similar situation happening back when he coached the New England Patriots. He was in a prime time game (I think) against the Buffalo Bills. The Patriots WR caught a pass clearly out of bounds — both of his feet came down inside the white line, yet it was ruled a catch. This predates instant replay and became a talking point in defense of it since the Patriots won on a last second TD as a result. The Bills didn’t line up for the PAT they were so disgusted and Carroll, smirking on the sideline, went for two.

I wish more details can be recalled but the most vidid memory I have of the loss besides the catch is the image on my fuzzy TV of Carroll on the sideline. Man, he burned me up that night. Remembering it now, it still tugs at my insides. Him laughing with that cocky grin, putting his two fingers up. The Pats lining up opposite nobody and jogging the ball in for two. I want to punch him.

OK, not really — hitting people over sports is silly but the poor sportsmanship gets to me.

He didn’t act that way tonight, defeating the Packers. He didn’t go for two here, either, as Green Bay came back onto the field and lined up for the PAT. They all had to be pissed. The refs blew a major simultaneous possession call on a hail mary pass which cost Green Bay the game. Not as blunderful as the Bills/Pats no-call, but worse since the play tonight ended the game.

Why the hell is this allowed in the NFL? If the call is blatantly off and another play hasn’t been run it should be reversed. The only danger is making sure this isn’t abused by every play getting reviewed. It’s felt like that these last few weeks, killing the pace of the game for the players on the field, but worse, the calls are bad. Really bad.

Anyway, go Bills! Go Falcons!

 

Smack That Alpaca: Fantasy Football 2012 Week 2 Recap

The alpaca was certainly smacked this week in both the CFFL and the Don’t Fumble League — I was dead last in points. Oof.

The Glittery Alpacas

Things looked scary this week for the Glittery Alpacas of the CFFL as they fell from 3rd to 9th. Down a despicable 14-46 going into the Monday Night Football game featuring the Atlanta Falcons vs. the Denver Broncos, the Alpaca’s had a hail mary’s chance of pulling out a win but needed serious numbers from the Falcons’ QB/WR combo, Matt Ryan and Roddy White. They produced, but it wasn’t enough and it turns out the Falcons’ kicker Matt Bryant ended up locking the win for the Alpacas’ opponent, Stafford Infection, managed by none other than the brother of Harry Douglas’d, the team the Alpacas smacked in week 1.

All that is moot now and I can’t even feel bad about leaving points on the bench because those were equally dismal. Here are the week 2 results for the Glittery Alpacas:

Look at the score — 54-60. It’s the lowest scoring match-up of the week despite featuring one of the CFFL’s greatest rivalries. The Toilet Bowl award goes to Stafford Infection. Nicely done.

What buried me this week was Ahmad Bradshaw, RB of the New York Giants getting injured early, leaving with 1 measly point. Also, my TE Jacob Tamme, kicker Dan Bailey and Cleveland Browns defense combined for a whopping 5 points. Obviously, better options are out there for a kicker when the waiver wire has six of them with 20+ points. Turns out dropping the Arizona Cardinals defense in favor of the Browns due to a match up was a bad move (Cards vs. New England Patriots, Browns vs. Cincinnatti Bengals) but I added them back off the waiver wire this week. Still, my team was in desperate need of a facelift so I turned to the waiver wire. Here was my waiver strategy for this week:

That shit’s intense.

The Alpacas badly need some WR help and acquired it off waivers, dropping RB’s Kendall Hunter and Peyton Hillis in favor of WR’s Donnie Avery of the Indianapolis Colts and Brandon Gibson of the St. Louis Rams. Both WR’s posted solid numbers in weeks 1 and 2, so hopefully one of them proves to be a consistent addition.

I spoke highly of Tamme last week when he was almost dropped from my team but pulled in a late TD to justify his spot. In watching the MNF game against the Falcons I noticed the Broncos didn’t line him up much in a receiving position and when he was on the field he was mostly blocking. He received four looks from Peyton Manning, but only brought in two of them. There are decent TE’s on the waiver wire, but it would be a lateral move to part with Tamme to add any of them so I’m sticking with him for now.

Unfortunately I thought I was set at RB, but with Bradshaw injured and Hillis and Hunter proving to be early busts, my RB pool is a lot thinner. I desperately need Ryan Mathews of the San Diego Chargers to be ready to go this week, otherwise I’m in trouble. There are some options on the waiver wire I’m still considering, but I won’t know about them until Friday morning.

Smack dat Ass

Things were equally pitiable for Smack dat Ass this week, falling 66.45-95.20 to Boom Shaka Laka. The worst part about this loss is Shaka Laka’s manager is a Miami Dolphin’s fan. Look at that hideous logo staring back at me, victorious. Burns me up inside.

The second worst part about this loss was leaving 21.70 points on the bench with RB Ben Tate — who the hell saw that coming? Both my starting backs put up horrendous numbers when compared to their week 1 scores, too. Add to it my not starting two waiver wire pick ups from last week in TE Dennis Pitta and WR Brandon LaFell who both outscored my starters and it’s easy to see I ate a box of F.U.B.A.R. Plus, the Cowboys Defense getting thumped and WR Andre Johnson not producing were the daggers to the heart in this loss.

As expected, waiver wire moves were made, adding the Washington Redskins Defense, dropping TE Coby Fleener in favor of TE Martellus Bennett of the NY Giants as insurance. Plus RB Evan Royster had to go in favor of Giants RB Andre Brown who could be a solid pickup if Ahmad Bradshaw is going to miss some time. I tried getting him in the CFFL, too (he was my first waiver wire choice), but it didn’t work out.

How did your team(s) do this week? Any suggested moves you’d like to see on either of my squads for week 3?

 

Fly, Falcons — fly

It’s still only the 1st Quarter but the Atlanta Falcons are currently leading the Denver Broncos 10-0. The points have all come off Peyton Manning interceptions — 3 of them. There’s plenty of time yet to play and history dictates to never count out Manning… either Manning, but the way the Falcons defense is jumping around and the running game moving without Matt Ryan doing anything; the Falcons should make this a game. I’m sticking to a prediction stated earlier on twitter — 34-31 Atlanta.

 

The Worst NFL Game Ever

I found this ticket in a stack of stuff in my old room while visiting home last month. Pure nostalgia.

The worst NFL game ever played was on Sunday, December 16 2007 in Cleveland, Ohio featuring the Buffalo Bills vs. the Cleveland Browns.

I was at this game with my dad, the only Bills away game I’ve ever seen live, and while the game was horrendous with the final score being 8-0 Cleveland, it was a memorable experience with my dad and one I’ll likely never forget. It was cold, with the temperature starting in the low 30s and creeping down to the 20s as the game went on. Humidity was around 80% and the windchill had to be at least 20 degrees with the stadium sitting right on Lake Erie. I remember when we left my coat had become a frozen shell of refuge around my body. The snow was so thick by kickoff it blanketed the entire field and obstructed vision to the point from where I was sitting I could barely make out the Buffalo players in their white away jerseys.

We arrived in Cleveland the day before to check out the NFL Hall of Fame, and the morning of the game the weather was normal. We tailgated in a parking garage (Cleveland doesn’t have many options being downtown and on the Lake) and with a nice layer of alcohol and meat product warming our blood, my dad and I headed inside. That’s when the snow started coming down hard. We sat in the uppermost level, nice and high, which didn’t help our field of vision.

The game saw two Browns field goals and a safety when Buffalo punter Brian Moorman fumbled the snap or something and ended up kicking the ball out his own endzone. Clearly he was being reactionary and the white glaze may have gotten to his head to do something like that, but yeah, it was a difficult game to watch both literally and figuratively.

And I have to say — Browns fans were not nice people. One would think a game with weather like that would bring fans of two North Eastern teams together in the spirit of football, but no. We were being blasted with snowballs the entire time and on our way out people would say things to my dad and I like “Hope your drive home takes forever,” or “Hope you get in an accident” and other shit like that (the drive did take us around 6 hours to get back, roughly double what it should have). More snowballs and ice chunks found their way towards us, too, as we exited the stadium. This all pissed me off because Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson Jr. was one of the few owners who backed Cleveland when the Browns moved to Baltimore in 1996 and became the Ravens. I’ve heard, but have not been able to confirm via the internet, Wilson even went as far as to shuttle hundreds of Browns fans to Buffalo to watch the first ever Bills/Ravens game in Western New York. If that’s true… jeez, Browns fans.

Believe me — I’m all about taking a sound ribbing for the teams I cheer for, it’s a given being a Bills fan in today’s world, but wishing death on someone over a sport is asinine. I had a great time — don’t get me wrong — but I have a marred view of Browns fans in their own house.

I understand why they’d be angry, though. People think the Bills are bad, but damn, the Browns have a history littered with only bad. They’ve never been to the big dance, the Super Bowl. At least the Bills have some tasty sprinkles in their history — like four Super Bowls in a row and a decade of solid play (come back 1990s!). Woof woof.

What makes this loss even worse is the following season on November 17, 2008 the Bills had a chance at redemption, playing the Browns on Monday Night Football at Ralph Wilson Stadium in Buffalo. I was at that one too and the Bills lost 29-27 on the final play of the game — a field goal.

Total suck.

Snapped this from the parking lot of the Ralph, walking in for MNF!

From our seats in the 300 level. 0-0. Back when anything was possible.

 

Smack That Alpaca: Fantasy Football 2012 Week 1 Recap

Week 1 of the NFL 2012 season is wrapped and with it our first batch of fantasy football scores — how’d your team(s) fare? Mine performed much better than anticipated as I defeated both my opponents within a comfortable margin. The Glittery Alpacas of the CFFL league and Smack dat Ass of the Don’t Fumble league are both 1-0 to start the season. Here are some break downs.

The Glittery Alpacas

This is my pay league with some buddies (and others I’ve never met) that’s been going on for years. It wasn’t always a pay league and it’s ironic considering I was the one who advocated the hardest for it to be a pay league, winning the Championship our last season as a free league but haven’t come close since. There is a story behind my team this season: I had two drafting snafu’s. The first I blame on NFL.com, the second my own computer. Around round 5 or so I was cuing my late round picks, one of them being Harry Douglas the #3 WR for the Atlanta Falcons. As I was about to click “Add to Draft Cue” it became my turn to draft and the button changed to “Draft Now” as I clicked it. So instead of getting the rookie QB of the Indianapolis Colts to back up Matt Ryan of the Falcons whom I intended to draft at that spot, Harry Douglas was drafted. Face palm. Then the next round my computer froze or something because no matter how hard or often I clicked “Draft Now” it wouldn’t, nor would the system allow me to alter my cue, so in Round 6 I drafted Peyton Hillis. Could have been worse, but still.

As a result of these errors my opponent this week decided to name his team after my Douglas fubar, running with the name “Harry Douglas’d” with a photo of the WR as his team logo. It’s cute and if I’m being honest, I love it as it’s in the spirit of Fantasy Football — trash talk is always welcomed by me. Also, I’m no innocent in this as he may have been getting revenge on me for poking fun at his brother a few years ago with my team name, “Owning Ross One Week at a Time” (the guy drafted kicker Rob Bironas 3rd overall or something). So here are this week’s results for the Glittery Alpacas:

As you can clearly see, sweet, sweet victory was all mine. I could have even started Harry Douglas and would have still thumped my opponent. Kind of wish I had.

Matt Ryan had a monster week for me which is good because he was my Keeper this season — I cut loose Darren McFadden (DMC) in favor of him, which made me uneasy until yesterday. I made a few “football moves” right before game time, too: swapped RB Michael Bush to start over Peyton Hillis and dumped the Jacksonville Jaguars Defense in favor of the Arizona Cardinals D. Both proved to be solid moves. I was thinking about starting WR Randy Moss over Titus Young, but went against it. Next week that will likely happen. Also looking to dump the Cards D for one with a better match up since they’re taking on the New England Patriots in week 2 and I don’t want any of that noise. I have 3 options in mind but will keep mum about them until the waiver wires clear — I don’t know who’s reading this! I’d like to trade Hillis for a backup QB but his performance last week doesn’t help my chances. I was thinking Ryan Fitzpatrick of the Buffalo Bills. I’m pretty deep at RB and once Ryan Matthews returns for the San Diego Chargers, I’ll really be set.

The position I was most satisfied with, even though he only netted me 10 points, is Jacob Tamme my TE of the Denver Broncos. The TE position is a tough one to draft — there are only a small pool of guys who will score double digits in that spot on a consistent basis and they all usually get picked up quickly. All the other TE’s are a crap shoot and lack consistency, only scoring 5 points or so a week. This year the TE pool went fast as usual, but I drafted Tamme (late I might add) due to his rapport with Peyton Manning when they were both Colts and it paid off. I hope my kicker Dan Bailey doesn’t feel comfortable on my team — another piss poor performance like that and he’s out. There are too many higher scoring kickers this season and their point totals are used as tie-breakers in our league (don’t ask, I don’t like it either — should be bench points in my opinion).

Smack dat Ass

As for my second league, the Don’t Fumble league, it’s led by one of my best buds and filled with nobody I know personally. It’s my “fun” league as there is no financial investment and I’m not checking the waiver wire multiple times a day. Still, I absolutely crushed my opponent this week and led the league in scoring.

It’s also worth noting this team was auto-drafted. There was a live draft but I missed it and didn’t bother pre-ranking my players. I usually play a team like this once a season just to test my skill against what I think I want. I have to say, based on my line up, the auto-draft did a damn good job! The only player I added after the fact was Houston Texans backup RB Ben Tate (off the waiver wire!) and the Cincinnati Bengals defense which turned out to be a flop. My usual strategy with defenses is to draft them last and play match ups weekly, unless I stumble across a sleeper D who is consistently awesome, then I will hold onto them. Thought the Bengals would play the Baltimore Ravens harder based on what they did last season. Oh well. But Ben Tate off the waiver wire! Here are this week’s stats for Smack dat Ass:

Obviously some bench moves are going to be made this week, but damn, I can’t argue with the results from my starters. DMC won’t have a “bad” week like this again any time soon either. Also, 16 points from a kicker sucks so bad when you’re on the receiving end, which we both were this week.

How did your team(s) do this week? Any suggested moves you’d like to see on either of my squads for week 2?

 

Are You Ready For Some Football?

The NFL season is about to begin (unless you’re a Dallas Cowboys or New York Giants fan), and I have elevated expectations for my two teams yet there’s an unshakeable nagging worry with both of them.

First off, some logic. There are 32 NFL teams. Chances are yours won’t win the big dance which means you’re likely going to experience the feeling of defeat early on or a heartbreaking loss shortly thereafter. Don’t get too mad over sports my friends. The athletes don’t know you nor give a crap about you or your life, so don’t ruin your belongings or relationships or reputation over something so trivial.

On that note, if the Buffalo Bills and Atlanta Falcons both lose today I’m sobbing into my brown cat, Noah because he’s the fat one. The Bills should destroy the Jets and the Falcons should take care of the Chiefs.

Beyond today, both the Bills and Falcons will improve on what they accomplished last season, but there are still relevant worries. For the Bills the most prominent is history. Every season the franchise pulls a Star Wars voodoo move, successfully instilling a sense of false hope in its fan base in lieu of complete befuddlement seasons prior — and the first half of the season is usually entertaining with the team hot out of the gate. Then they implode in the most mind numbing, hair pulling, mouth agape ways while all your buddies pat your back with a look of “aww, sorry man” in their Steelers and Patriots faces. The Buffalo Bills are the kid who has all the heart but, well, sorry kid — you can’t cut it with the big boys.

As for the Falcons, this is Matt Ryan’s year. I mean that in the sense if he doesn’t go deep into the post season the Falcons should begin to consider other options as insurance. Matt Ryan is awesome. He’s the best QB the Atlanta Falcons franchise has had in its 46 year history. He has not won a playoff game in his NFL career. This is his fifth season so it needs to happen now with all the pieces on the table — they need to be utilized effectively. I have faith and think the Falcons have a solid chance at making the NFC Championship game in 2012. Unfortunately, home field advantage has been anything but for them in the post season and the road to the Super Bowl will likely lie in the strongest of hostile territory. The last two years the Falcons were totally obliterated by the eventual Super Bowl Champions, Green Bay Packers and New York Giants.

Anyway, it’s going to be a great season to watch for all teams involved. For the first time it truly feels like every franchise has a story line going on worth talking about.

Go Bills! Go Falcons!

*To all the Europeans who clicked this link expecting something else — I apologize.

**Photos from Boston.com & ESPN.com

 

Spotlight On: NFL SuperPro #2

I love comics and I love the NFL so by default NFL SuperPro #2 should be an easy touchdown in my book, right? Wrong! Holy crap is this comic bad. I don’t mean bad in the we-fell-apart-in-the-4th-quarter bad, I mean bad as in watching a game between the Detroit Lions and the Oakland Raiders bad. So it should come as no surprise that this series only lasted 12 issues and a Super Bowl Special before it was canceled.

NFL SuperPro was published by Marvel Comics in 1991 and is written by Fabian Nicieza and drawn by Jose Delbo. I know what you’re thinking, “Fabian Nicieza? He sounds familiar…” And he should as he is the man who created Deadpool, Shatterstar, and X-Force. He’s also written chapters of the X-Men events X-Cutioner’s Song, The Phalanx Covenant, and Age of Apocalypse. His most recent work includes penning the entire Cable & Deadpool series, some issues of Robin and Nightwing, and the Battle for the Cowl tie-in, Azrael: Death’s Dark Knight. With a resume like that it’s tough to swallow the awkward pill that is SuperPro. Artist Jose Delbo is best known for his run on Transformers (1988-1990) and Wonder Woman (vol.1) issues #270-284.

What is the NFL SuperPro comic about? Well, the main character is Phil Grayfield whose career as a pro football player came to a dramatic end when he rescued a little kid who was falling from the bleachers at a football game. Having been to many pro NFL games, I can say that after you’ve had a few beers falling from the 300 level is easier to do than it may sound. Anyway, during the rescue Phil busted his knee beyond repair, but later discovered a powerful football suit. Once Phil put it on he became the ‘super hero’ SuperPro! The suit, complete with an obnoxiously large NFL logo as a breastplate, strongly resembles that of Captain Amazing from the movie Mystery Men, and Phil is equally as arrogant as the character portrayed by the awesome Greg Kinnear. SuperPro’s vehicle of choice is a crappy puke-green colored van with the words ‘Sports Inside’ painted on the door, as his day job is a reporter. Original, right? SuperPro travels around with his side kick/computer guy Ken, who helps him with reporting stories and gathers intelligence while SP is out on the beat.

Issue #2 begins with a flashback of Phil playing Linebacker for Notre Dame University in 1985. He’s a mad man on the field, making tackles and batting away balls at every opportunity. His defensive teammate Karl Moore is jealous of Phil, and when the game is over we see Karl writing down a shit list of plays Phil took away from him. Fast forward 6 years to where Quick Kick, a sword and nunchuck wielding ninja, is mugging some thugs. He’s looking for a shipment of stolen guns for his boss, and when he doesn’t find them, he shoots Michael Frazier who happens to be a player for the Miami Dolphins (in real life Michael Frazier is actually a writer for the Orlando Sentinel, not a football player). Being a Buffalo Bills fan, I was ok with this scene as all Miami Dolphins players should be shot (just kidding, I would never wish harm on someone… well, maybe Tom Brady. Wait a second- what’s with the Miami Dolphin’s theme of the 1990’s)…

We later learn that Michael Frazier wasn’t affiliated with the thugs, but was actually trying to stop two gangs from fighting before Quick Kick intervened. Frazier made it his personal mission to end gang wars in Miami by creating a community out reach program that was “notoriously discouraging local kids from joining gangs.” Hm. I was unaware that good deeds were typically classified as being ‘notorious.’ Anywhoo, Frazier’s Community Center provided tutoring for kids, a daycare for working parents, and a program that employed senior citizens to help keep them active- wowee what a guy!

Upon learning of the shooting, Phil decides to investigate and along with Ken they head to the Community Center to question some ex-gang bangers. The kids tell Phil who stole the shipment of guns to which he declares, “We’re going to nail those punks, so all of the good work you do here can continue!” He and Ken then proceed to run out of the place… so much for maintaining a secret identity, eh?

Quick Kick arrives on the scene first, taking out the thugs in a warehouse and getting his guns back. Then SuperPro shows up and the great reveal is made- Quick Kick is actually Karl Moore from the Notre Dame football team! We’re treated to Phil’s inner monologue, “I don’t know how or why Moore’s become a ninja killer- but I’d better be careful or I’m next on his hit list!” Funny he should mention that, because the readers also have no freakin’ clue how this guy became a ninja. The two duke it out, making their way to a propeller plane which is awkwardly placed inside the warehouse. Quick Kick makes a run for it and takes off, but to his dismay a wing is damaged and the plane crashes into a nearby lake, which appears out of nowhere. The plane explodes, presumably killing Quick Kick and destroying the shipment of guns inside (which somehow made it from the warehouse floor into the plane while the two were fighting).

After SuperPro is informed by a police officer that Michael Frazier has survived his gun wound, we get the moral of the story, “I battled a man who reminded me too much of myself- who thought that winning was all that mattered… and I wasn’t able to show him that what really counts is what you’re fighting for.” I can’t speak for the almighty SuperPro, but the last time I tried to give a full grown man a lesson in morality, I almost got punched in the face. The scene shifts to a cruise ship in the middle of wherever and we meet the real villain, Mr. Sanzionare who looks like a cross between a caveman and a porn star. When Sanzionare (is that a play on ‘millionare’?) gets the memo of Quick Kick’s failure to recover the shipment of firearms, he calls in the big gun; Instant Replay, a guy who can cut (not travel, but cut) through time!

Yikes.

Here are some quotes from the book:

“Call me SuperPro. The game’s over. You lose.” – SuperPro

“Correct your tenses there, Sammy… he was a football player… and he played for the Dolphins!” – Quick Kick

“Smoothest move he makes is off the field… I mean his 3.6 grade point average.” – Jane, Phil’s girlfriend

I read somewhere that Nicieza made this series up as a means to obtain free football tickets, and while I couldn’t prove that claim, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. Besides the Dolphins the only other team he plugs in this issue is the Philadelphia Eagles, which is ok by me because my Bills and Atlanta Falcons don’t need any more embarrassing asterisks in their team history.The real moral of this story is that NFL SuperPro #2 definitely proved that sports and comics should never cross paths again.

 

The Geek Sheet: Dune and the Buffalo Bills

The Geek Sheet is a new feature here at MintConditionPublishing.com that features interesting facts and information on geeky subjects; like sports, sci-fi, comic books, etc. The Geek Sheet segment will be popping up on a regular basis, so think of it as an online geek encyclopedia. Some entries may be longer than others, but all are bona fide geektastic!

• While the statement “the Buffalo Bills have never won a Super Bowl” is true, the statement that they have “never won a championship” is false. Before the NFL merged with the AFL in 1966, the Buffalo Bills were AFL Champions in 1964 and 1965. They destroyed the San Diego Chargers in both games: 20-7, 23-0.
• The Buffalo Bills are the only NFL team to play in New York State. Both the New York Jets and the New York Giants play their games in East Rutherford, New Jersey right outside of New York City.
• The Litany Against Fear as published in the sci-fi epic Dune, by Frank Herbert :

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

• An excerpt from the Dune Encyclopedia: Crysknife: A knife, whose blade consisted of a single tooth of a giant sandworm, considered most sacred by the Fremen. No off-worlder who saw one of the weapons, could be permitted, by Fremen law, to leave Arrakis without the Fremen’s consent. Once the blade was drawn from it’s sheath, it could not be returned unblooded, even if the blood it drew had to be the user’s own; to do otherwise was to insult Shai-Hulud and risk bringing his wrath on all Fremen. The blade is milky white, some twenty centimeters in length, which gave the impression of glowing in dim light– a sandworm’s tooth. The teeth were obtainable only when the Fremen found the remains of a dead sandworm. When such a find was made, as many teeth as could safely be carried were removed and taken back to the group’s sietch for blessing and manufacture into knives.

There are two types of crysknives: fixed and unfixed. A fixed blade, which could be stored for an indefinite period of time, was treated by exposure to a series of electric currents, which ‘fixed’ the blade’s electric field and kept it static. An unfixed blade remained stable only so long as it remained in contact with a living human body; deprived of exposure to that body’s electric field, it weakened and crumbled within a matter of hours. This type of blade was most commonly used by Fremen, since it was not wished that anyone should be able to obtain a crysknife by looting Fremen bodies; Fremen who could see that they were either going to be captured, or die in battle without sufficient time elapsing for their blades to disintegrate, shattered them on the nearest hard object.

The tip, the hollow once occupied by the tooth’s nerve, customarily held a small amount of the most deadly poison available, most often a mixed derivative of the native desert plants. Fremen usually attempted to avoid killing a respected enemy with the tip of the blade; poison was considered a weapon more suitable for use against animals than humans.

The mounting of the blade into the handle was patterned on the kindjal, a type of long knife popular throughout the empire, with a blade of almost identical length to that of the crysknife. Where they differed was in the shearing-guard: the kindjal generally boasted a stout guard, while the crysknife had only the raised lips of its round handle, where it joined the blade, to protect it’s user’s hand. Most authorities believe that the earliest crysknives were deliberately constructed to mimic the kindjal, a blade the Fremen were already familiar with from their many generations of service in the empire. The later changes, including the elimination of the shearing-guard, came about when the crysknife became a truly unique weapon rather than a native imitation of an off-world knife.

Considerable mythology surrounded the blades. Fremen cherished their crysknives, giving them names that were kept secret even to other troop members, protecting them from harm with their own lives. Even after the owner’s death, the crysknife was treated differently from all other possessions. A crysknife handle was the only thing that was taken to the Funeral Plain for ‘burial’ after it’s owner’s water was returned to the tribe. The one exception to this custom was in the case of a crysknife whose blade shattered during a fight. Fremen superstition held in such cases that the person had somehow offended Shai-Hulud, who had retaliated by withdrawing the strength from the tooth.

A good deal of history surrounds crysknives as well. The initial acceptance of Paul Muad’Dib Atreides among the Fremen, for example, came about when his mother, the Lady Jessica, was tested by the Shadout Mapes and deemed worthy of possessing a crysknife. The original Duncan Idaho, who had proved himself in Stilgar’s sietch, was also allowed to keep one of the sacred blades.

The blade that has attracted the most historical attention, however, is undoubtedly that mounted in Muad’Dib’s crysknife. When the first Atreides emperor – in the guise of The Preacher – was killed, his son took his crysknife for his own. In the centuries that followed, Leto II made frequent ceremonial use of the blade, culminating in it’s use in Siaynoq. In addition, The God Emperor controlled the tiny supply of the knives which still remained during the last centuries of his rule, while his Museum Fremen carried out the old rituals with them utterly ignorant of the true reasons for their actions. The fact that one of them would copy a crysknife for sale to Siona Atreides illustrates the degeneration of the customs; no true Fremen would have permitted such a thing for any reason, least of all personal gain. Muad’Dib’s crysknife, then, could be seen as the last of it’s kind – a blade carried by one who knew the traditions and myths that held it apart from more common, less holy weapons.

While the old Fremen might have disapproved of the use to which The God Emperor put their leader’s crysknife, they would certainly have approved of the level; of veneration which surrounded it.

 

Owens and Brady to Kickoff Monday Night Football in 2009

The word is out; the Buffalo Bills will meet the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium to signal the start of Monday Night Football on September 14, 2009. Bills fans knew that the addition of Terrell Owens would bring the team more attention in the national spotlight, but who would have thought the season premiere of Monday Night Football was in the cards!?

As expected, Buffalo fans have mixed emotions about the announcement. Here are some immediate reactions on the pros and cons of the situation:

CONS

-The game is in New England.

-While Owens and Brady will be the talk of the game, inevitably the broadcast is going to turn into a Tom Brady love fest. With this being his first game back from suffering a knee injury in week 1 of the 2008 season, and Brady’s return taking place in New England the stage has been set. Also, it’s almost a given that somehow Teddy Bruschi will be highlighted as well. (I hate those guys.)

-Owens would probably very vocal after a blow out…

-The major con really boils down to this; the New England Patriots have totally dominated the Buffalo Bills over the last decade. From the Bills defeating the Pats only once in the new millennium (September 7, 2003/31-0), to the disaster that was Drew Bledsoe, to embarrassing prime time losses, the Patriots have slapped an “owned” label on Buffalo. Check out these depressing facts:

• The Bills are 1-17 against the Patriots in the new millennium.
• Buffalo has played New England 4 other times on prime time TV over the last 14 years. Here are the results:

1. Monday Night, October 23, 1995 @ New England: 14-27 loss
2. Sunday Night, October 27, 1996 @ New England: 25-28 loss
3. Sunday Night, November 14, 2004 @ New England: 6-29 loss
4. Sunday Night, Nov. 18, 2007 @ Buffalo: 10-56 loss (the worst defeat in franchise history)

-To continue with the history lesson, the previous two Monday Night Football appearances by Buffalo were some of the worst moments in recent Bills history. The 25-24 loss to the Dallass Cowboys on Nick Folk’s last second field goal in 2007, and Rian Lindell’s wide right kick in last season’s despicable 27-29 loss to the Cleveland Browns(tains), have become this generation of Bills fans’ Forward Lateral and Wide Right. (This humbled writer was present at the Cleveland game and, wow. What a bummer.)  The Patriots now have the opportunity to send Buffalo packing for the third straight year on Monday Night Football.

PROS

-Well, the reverse angle of this is that, hey, the Bills will be on Monday Night Football three years in a row! What fan doesn’t want to see their team get a prime time slot? Given how the Bills closed out last season, this is a boon for the team and it’s fans (especially since before T.O. appeared, the prospect of a Buffalo prime time game was all too laughable).

-More media attention for Buffalo and it’s Bills is always a good thing.

-If somehow the Bills can get over the hump and actually defeat New England, talk about a way to start off the season! What a momentum surge: poo-pooing on Brady’s return to the Pats, at home, and on national TV. Kick. Ass.

-If the Bills were to win, one can only imagine that Terrell Owens would play a major role in the victory. That would be a great way for T.O. to make his Buffalo debut by burning New England at home and helping to erase Buffalo’s 11 game, 5 and a half year losing streak to the Pats.

-The Pats and Bills will be donning their throwback AFL jerseys for the game. This should mentally return Bills fans to a time when Buffalo dominated New England. Happy days.

For the Bills, the 2008 season ended with a gutless 13-0 home loss to the Patriots. They have now been given the opportunity to make a statement to themselves, their fans, and the rest of the NFL that the Buffalo Bills are back and ready to compete. Brady, Welker, Moss, and Maroney had better watch out, because here comes Edwards, Evans, Owens, and Lynch!

Oh, and to the T.O. haters who are speculating why he has missed the first few days of a voluntary training session set to last 12 weeks with the Bills, chill out. Owens has been preparing for his appearance as an honored guest at the Alzheimer’s Association 6th Annual Gala in Washington, D.C. this evening. So chew on that.

Go Bills!